Epic by its very nature describes something that no other word has the capability to do. If something is so extraordinary and breathtaking that one fumbles for a word to describe it, then it’s probably something completely Epic. Keep in mind that Epic is truly a proper adjective, the only one of its form.
If something is beyond incredible achievement, it is described as an Epic Win. Likewise, if something is beyond incredible malfunction, it is described as an Epic Fail. Usually people can recognize the site of an Epic due to its bizarre and awesome characteristic.
People must realize however that Epic things are rare and hard to come by. In fact, people can have “cool” things happen to them often like winning the lottery, but on a scale form one to Epic, winning the lottery is like a four. If a person wins the lottery three times in a row, that, my friend, is Epic.
It occurred to me recently, that the word Epic nowadays is losing, well, its Epicness – its power and significance, which is why I feel I should address this issue. Anyone that took an English course in high school knows that the epic poem is a long narrative story. Take Chanson d’Antioche, for example, which contains over 9000 lines. But these lines aren’t there to just add “length” to the story but to add exciting detail. So listening to a long story from your girlfriend/boyfriend babble about nothing on the phone won’t usually be Epic.
Anyway, I was riding the elevator today and some emo-looking kid was telling his one friend his “Epic” story; or just saying his random pointless thought out loud for that matter. The story went something along the lines of this – as a matter fact; I memorize the idiotic tale verbatim: “Dude, I almost fell down the stairs today. It was EPIC!”
No, it was NOT Epic – not even close. There isn’t enough detail for that story to be Epic. First of all, you didn’t even actually fall. You almost fell so that doesn’t even count as a grand incident. What if JFK almost got shot? Or a plane almost hit the Twin Towers? Ok sure, these would be cases worth mentioning briefly, and I mean very briefly. However, they would certainly not be considered Epic, unless there was a compelling attribute to the story such as JFK catching the bullet in his teeth like Leroy in the Last Dragon.
Second of all, Mr./Mrs. transvestite, you’re an idiot. But seriously, if you don’t have a good story, don’t say it. Or if you really feel the vibe to tell it, make stuff up to make it sound epic or at the very least, interesting. Oh and dress your gender. PLEASE!
Going back to what I said about the importance of adding “exciting detail” – this is key to making anything Epic. Even something simple like eating a bag of Doritos can be Epic. Eating the Doritos themselves is NOT Epic; unless of course you are eating these Doritos:
But say you’re eating Cooler Ranch Doritos when suddenly it burst into flames so you throw it out the window; it lands next to a hobo on the street who tries to put it out by pouring his bottle of vodka on the inferno, which causes it to explode his face; so he runs down the street with his face on fire, trips on a curb, lands on a puddle of leaked car oil, which then explodes killing the dozens of people in the surrounding area.
Of course this is obviously fictional and Doritos will never (hopefully) explode, although scientific tests are necessary. The point here is that a series of remarkable catastrophe equals Epic.
In order to be Epic, something doesn’t necessarily need to be as violent as the story I made up; violence usually entices epicness, but NOT always. Just because people throw fist, doesn’t mean it’s Epic.
I want to clarify that when I say anything can be Epic (meaning there are certain requirements to achieve in order to reach that status) I even include our little friend’s story of almost falling down the stairs. If he almost fell because he was getting chased by O.J. Simpson in Thayer Hall after he cheated on his wife but then slipped on a Crazy Bone while running away, then THAT would be Epic. See? As long as there’s awesome factors leading up to the climax, even almost incidents can be epic. For those of you who took Geometry, I am saying that the word Epic is a theorem NOT a postulate.
Epic is a unique and a powerful word, but it’s used way too often. I don’t want to seem like I am personally attacking this emo-kid I heard on the elevator (that would just be mean), but I think he represents society’s tendency to just spill out the word “Epic” like getting rid of pennies.
When I use the word epic, it’s for a legitimate reason. It’s not because I entitled a movie that’s in the least bit entertaining, or because I got a head shot in Gears of War, it’s because something EPIC actually happened, not just something mediocre. Only epic people use the word epic correctly.
Anyway, this is my first blog post so wohoo!
\(^~^ )/ Thanks for reading!
N8 Z.
Check out the N8 L8 Show every Thursday 8-10 p.m. and Saturday 10 p.m – midnight! It’s EPIC !!
BLOG QUESTION:
What kind of REAL Epic things happened in your life?